Sadly I Am Coming Back Again

Many dumpees have an intuition — a gut feeling that their ex will come back and that everything will go back to "normal."

Their bittersweet, convincing, hope-instilling feeling in the stomach tells them to trust what they're feeling and to expect their dumper to return.

But what those dumpees initially rarely realize is that hope, expectations, anxiety, and all positive or negative emotions toward an ex have nothing to do with reconciliation.

The truth is that dumpers never feel hopeful and technically feel exactly the opposite of the dumpees. They feel detached, angry, victimized, and completely void of love.

That's why the gut in the feeling after the breakup indicates only one thing – that the dumpee is hurt from the breakup.

So take your ex's lack of commitment into consideration and try to rationally understand that the gut feeling after the breakup is created by anxiety.

It has nothing to do with your ex still loving you secretly but rather with how much you want your ex back.

You shouldn't, therefore, count on your gut feeling for guidance or it will keep your hopes up and consequently delay the time it takes to get over your ex.

Your anxiety will trick your brain into thinking that the universe is giving you signs that your ex will eventually come back.

But the truth is that you're the one creating your own thoughts and not some outer force.

If it weren't for the post-breakup pain, you would have no gut feeling and expectations of a returning ex.

You would simply accept reality as it is and let go of any false hope created by the fear of abandonment.

Gut feeling that an ex will come back

If you have a gut feeling that an ex will come back, you need to understand that there are 2 reasonable explanations for feeling so hopeful.

They are:

1. Your perception of the breakup – how anxious it makes you feel.
2. Your expectations of how and when you want your reconciliation to occur.

This implies that the gut feeling in your stomach is self-created with the thoughts that you feed it.

So before you start trusting your gut feeling than an ex will return, please note that your anxious brain is trying to help you.

It's working overtime by looking for solutions to ease your separation anxiety.

Your brain is essentially coping with the breakup stress, so it's working hard to continually communicate with your conscious mind about various remedies to end your mental suffering.

The only problem with this is that it's trying to play tricks on you by telling you exactly what you want to hear.

It's giving you false hope and raising your expectations.

You feel that which you want the most

Since your ex's abandonment left you feeling hurt, depressed, angry, or vindictive, you want the biggest sensation in your gut to come true.

You likely want to:

• have your ex come back
• see your ex fail in life and come crawling back
• have your ex notice your success in life
• see karma get your ex
• take revenge, or
• move on from your ex, never hear from him or her again, and forgive and forget completely

Whatever you expect to get from your ex, you're hoping it manifests so that you can better cope with the breakup stress and validate and empower yourself.

You basically want to feel better, so you're imagining all sorts of positive self-encouraging outcomes that have a calming effect on you.

But such thoughts, unfortunately, don't help you detach from your ex. They instead keep you attached to your ex for as long as they are present.

So try not to put your hopes of reconciliation on the gut feeling in your tummy because you're an ordinary human being.

Unfortunately, you don't possess supernatural abilities in the center of your stomach or anywhere on your body.

That's why you can't determine whether your ex will come back based on what you feel.

The gut feeling that an ex will come back is anxiety-driven and self-created after all.

Expectations vs reality

If there's anything that makes the post-breakup recovery difficult it's definitely false hope and high expectations.

Strong convictions of an ex coming back, unfortunately, keep dumpees from moving on and disorientate them.

They make them lose sight of that which matters (their health) and leave them starving for their ex's approval.

Breakups tend to have such awful effects on anxious minds as they often shatter dumpees' self-esteem and force them to develop trust issues.

So whenever you have thoughts and gut feelings about your ex returning to you, keep in mind that you're merely trying to heal from your traumatic experience.

You're hurting from the pain your ex has caused to you, so your brain is trying to help you get back on your feet.

How do you accept reality and let go of high expectations?

Positive thinking, improving as a person, getting over your ex, and time alone will help you get rid of hope and high expectations.

Prioritizing yourself and your own happiness will, therefore, prepare you for an independent life again—much like the one you lived prior to meeting your ex.

So don't think that you'll never let go of your ex because that's just not true.

It's only a matter of time before you completely detach from your ex and forget about him or her.

You'll soon gather your strength to separate your expectations from reality and do your best to avoid slipping back to the dark place your ex left you in.

You'll do it out of respect for your health as well as your own image.

There are dumpees who never get over their exes for years because they never try to detach properly.

They instead keep hoping their ex would return, so they, in essence, end up wasting years of their lives.

They spend every day of their post-breakup time mourning over the loss of someone who isn't worth grieving over.

And the sad thing about it is that they don't even realize that what they're doing is wrong. They're just too busy thinking about their ex who isn't thinking about them.

Let go of the past

Dumpees who refuse to let go of their ex never learn that breakups happen for a reason to teach people valuable lessons.

One of the most important ones teaches people how to live a strong, independent, and exciting life—and helps them develop into the people they want to be.

Without the lessons that breakups bring, many people wouldn't grow much at all.

The truth is that they wouldn't need to because they wouldn't have a reason to.

They would lack the incentive.

The same goes for you.

Unless you've managed to learn a thing or two from your relationship with your ex, you're probably going to keep holding on to your ex.

You'll continue to look for internal happiness in your ex and might, as a result, commit some of the typical post-breakup mistakes.

Such mistakes are, sadly, going to keep hurting you, raising your ex's value in your eyes, and increasing your expectations of your ex.

Are gut feelings always wrong?

When it comes to relationships, gut feelings aren't always wrong.

They often help us determine whether:

• we need to better our perception of our partner/ourselves
• we should work on ourselves and our shortcomings
• our relationship is healthy and we're happy
• our partner is lying, cheating, manipulating
• the relationship isn't as it was or as it should be

These are the positives of our gut feelings in a relationship.

But don't become too reliant on them just yet.

Just how the gut feeling that an ex will come back can be deceiving, so can the gut feeling in the relationship.

The reason why it's sometimes inaccurate is that it's created by anxiety – insecurities.

And as you probably know, insecurities can make us believe things that aren't necessarily true.

Anxiety in the relationship can make us:

• accuse our partner of cheating, lying, not loving us, etc
• demand more attention from our partner
• lose our self-control, act purely on instinct, curse, shout, and belittle
• say and do things that we don't mean

So what do you do when you have a gut feeling about an ex, your partner or anyone?

Since the gut feeling is merely a feeling, the best tip I can give you is to always and forever think rationally before you act.

Always ask yourself whether thinking this or doing that is logically the best thing for you to do.

You'll realize that when you ask yourself important questions, you're able to determine whether your intentions are rational or emotional.

If they're rational, you'll do what you think is right and execute the well-thought-out plan.

And contrarily, if your intentions are emotional, you'll be put through a test.

You'll immediately be tested for maturity, emotional strength, self-control, willpower, and perseverance.

The difficulty of overcoming your temptations will depend on how much importance you've put on your task.

For example, if your task is as difficult as starting the indefinite no contact rule, then you'll likely struggle to fight your gut feeling about your ex.

You'll probably want to go with an alternative option and make things easier on you by breaking no contact.

But this doesn't give you an excuse to act on instinct because things likely won't turn out the way you want them to.

Do you have a gut feeling that your ex will come back? I'd like to hear what you're thinking and feeling, so comment below.

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Source: https://magnetofsuccess.com/gut-feeling-that-an-ex-will-come-back/

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